Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sucky Comics Sunday: July 08, 2012


Most of the time Mother Goose & Grimm is a comic strip starring a weird-looking hyperactive yellow dog-thing named Grimm, who is the pet of a weird-looking often exasperated old goose-thing named Mother Goose. Most of the time Grimm indulges in some exaggerated wacky hijinks, appropriate for newspaper audiences of all ages, of course, that leaves Mother Goose either exaggeratedly surprised or exaggeratedly irritated.

Sometimes, though, the strip serves as a vehicle for Mike Peters to make an entire strip that revolves around some terrible pun that wouldn't be out of place in a campy "JOKES 4 KIDZ" book. You know, the kind of book that was already lame when you were 7 years old?

So Mike Peters hauls his wrinkled, old decrepit ass out of bed one morning and fixes himself breakfast. "AHA!" he exclaims, "EGGS BENEDICT ARNOLD!" He grabs his cane and hobbles over to his desk where he begins drawing his hilarious new creation. So what if yesterday's strip ended in a cliffhanger where Mother Goose was dangling Grimm out of a third-story window? That shit needs to be put on hold! A gem like EGGS BENEDICT ARNOLD only comes around once in a blue moon!

All the synapses were firing that day, my friend. What a legend!



** MARMADUKE UPDATE - 07/08/2012 **

Marmaduke is still the worst dog on the planet.


I don't remember ever seeing Heathcliff in the newspaper as a kid, but that's fine considering Garfield fulfilled my daily desire to read cat-related comic strip entertainment (Hey, Garfield hates Mondays? I hate Mondays too!)

I can only assume, though, that the comic strip is fairly old because, uh, one of the kids is wearing a goddamn beanie with a propeller on it. Henry Huggins from the Beverly Cleary books wore a beanie with a propeller on it in 1951 and I'm willing to bet that it wasn't cool then either. If there was any kid in the wide world of children's fiction that probably got his ass kicked on a regular basis it was Henry Huggins. But I digress.

So did you take the time to read this comic yet? Great! Could you explain this one to me? I don't know what the hell is going on here. Why is he putting rainbow sprinkles on an unconscious dog? Seriously, I'm really asking. Did the cartoonist, who is apparently named "EaBriby" based on the horribly illegible signature in the first panel, have that idea as a punchline the entire time? Does Heathcliff have a fascination with rainbow sprinkles that only someone with years of Heathcliff character development familiarity can appreciate?

Whatever. My brain hurts.


GEEZ LOUISE, TOM. Blondie again?? Yes, Blondie again. Until the horrible human beings responsible for the perpetuation of this garbage finally die off it will always be Blondie again. Blondie again now and forever. Geez Louise, people! Geez Louise!

So, where to start? How about the obsession that the people behind Blondie seem to have with making sure that the reader is WELL AWARE that these comics are happening in the present! I trust 90-year-olds to have their fingers on the pulse of the current times, don't you? Hey, the kids love The Facebooks! We'll go with talking about The Facebooks this week.

"Yo Dag...You workin' hard? Or hardly workin'? LOL!"

I'm LOLing already! LOLing out loud, if you can believe it! I can't wait to see where this goes!

Oh man, a banjo-playing monkey? Man, the internet sure is great! I sincerely love how there's a big pink box  telling you "LOL! CLASSIC PIC!" It's like the editors added that in after the fact to let you guys know that banjo-playing monkeys prove to be great examples of a hilarious viral internet images. Aren't you proud of them for knowing that?

Shit guys, things get rough in the next few panels. There's a little bit of rude trash talk going on among comrades. Get the kids out of the room for that one.

"Aw pipe down, Monkey-boy, and eat another BANANA!"
"Keep yappin'! I'm gonna 'slap you silly' when we play Mafia Wars after lunch!"
"OH YEAH?! YOU AND WHAT ARMY?! LOL!"

I really REALLY have nothing more to say about this. People are getting paid to be this terrible, and here I am writing terribly for free. There's no justice in this world.

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