I am in no way qualified to review music, so let's give it a shot anyway like every other schlub on the internet who thinks their opinions matter.
FIRST SOME GROUND RULES
1. Studio albums only, with very few exceptions (live albums and archival releases are ok as long as they provide some sort of continuity to the artist's overall career i.e. Frank Zappa, Miles Davis, or John Zorn). No singles. No compilations. No EPs. No splits. No extended content with bonus tracks and shit like that. Probably yes on mixtapes, I don't know yet on that one.
2. A new artist will always have their debut studio album rated first, unless there's a case where there is some reason against it that I can't foresee yet. This will allow me to appropriately provide some artist background information where it makes the most sense: at the beginning. From there I may decide to jump around as I see fit, but if I'm extremely familiar with an artist's full body of work I will likely opt to go in chronological order.
3. There ain't gonna be no 10-star rating, or some dumbass Pitchfork scale with decimal points. You can't assign a number to music, son. I'm going to rate every album in the following ultra-qualitative and subjective five tiers, delivered in a rainbow palette for your visual amusement. Actually, it's more like the Homeland Security Advisory System. You can justly compare an album with the dreaded red SUCKS rating to, like, a dozen 9/11s.
VERY GOOD - This album represents among the very best that the artist has to offer and is likely an objectively pleasant listen to everybody and their grandmother, as long as everybody and their grandmother already likes the genre the album is in and isn't some snob who pigeonholes him- or herself. Some artists may not be lucky enough to have an album in their discography that can be considered very good. When applicable, always start with these albums if you're new to the artist.
GOOD - This album is likely an objectively pleasant listen as long as the listener doesn't mind some lulls, low points, filler, experimental diversions (if you're not into that sort of thing), corniness and pomposity of both the self-aware and self-unaware varieties here and there...basically, lighten up and you'll be fine. Don't take everything so seriously. You can't go wrong starting with these albums if you're new to the artist as well.
JUST OK - Die-hard fans are going to tell you that there's nothing wrong with this album and that you're crazy. Casual fans are going to listen to this album and remember why they only listen to the album once in a while. Non-fans are going to listen to this album and see little reason to keep pursuing what else the artist has to offer. At best, you'll get a moderately enjoyable listening experience and a nice little diversion. At worst, you'll be bored long before you're offended. Listening to these albums first will not paint an accurate picture of the artist for a new listener, but they're still worth listening to eventually once you transition from non-fan to casual fan status.
KINDA BAD - Die-hard fans are still going to tell you that there's nothing wrong with this album, but that's a lesson in taking fanaticism with a heaping portion of salt. Casual fans are better off steering clear completely, and non-fans would be doing themselves a great disservice by starting with this album. Typically, the albums in this tier have the negatives outweighing the positives. Maybe they're over-bloated with filler and half-assed musical ideas, or maybe one band-member's hubris overtook good judgment and criticism. Honestly, most of these albums will still have some nuggets of brilliance scattered throughout. It's hard to really call a lot of music "bad", which is why four out of five tiers are considered to be on the positive side of the overall spectrum. Nonetheless, proceed at your own risk.
SUCKS - Die-hard fans still might tell you they like it, but even they will feel ashamed of admitting it. And they will certainly not recommend it outright to anyone with a passing interest in the artist. A complete waste of time for everyone else. Flagrant anti-intellectualism, unabashed money-grubbing cash-ins from established artists, and completely uninteresting and derivative musical ideas will land an album in this tier. Avoid Avoid Avoid.
Courtney Barnett
[2015] Sometimes I Sit and Think, and Sometimes I Just Sit
Devo
[1978] Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!
Frank Zappa
[1966] Freak Out!
[1967] Absolutely Free
[1968] We're Only in It for the Money
[1968] Lumpy Gravy
[1968] Cruising with Ruben & the Jets
[1969] Uncle Meat
[1969] Hot Rats
[1970] Burnt Weeny Sandwich
[1970] Weasels Ripped My Flesh
[1970] Chunga's Revenge
[1971] Fillmore East – June 1971
[1971] 200 Motels
[1972] Just Another Band From L.A.
Major Parkinson
[2008] Major Parkinson
[2010] Songs from a Solitary Home
[2014] Twilight Cinema
Man Man
[2004] The Man in a Blue Turban with a Face
Nomeansno
[1982] Mama
Oingo Boingo
[1981] Only a Lad
[1982] Nothing to Fear
[1983] Good for Your Soul
[1984] So-Lo
[1985] Dead Man's Party
[1987] Boi-Ngo
[1990] Dark at the End of the Tunnel
Porcupine Tree
[1992] On the Sunday of Life
[1993] Up the Downstair
Primus
[1990] Frizzle Fry
[1991] Sailing the Seas of Cheese
Talking Heads
[1977] Talking Heads: 77
[1978] More Songs About Buildings and Food
[1979] Fear of Music
[1980] Remain in Light
[1983] Speaking in Tongues
[1985] Little Creatures
They Might Be Giants
[1986] They Might Be Giants
Ween
[1990] GodWeenSatan: The Oneness
[1991] The Pod
[1992] Pure Guava
[1994] Chocolate and Cheese
"Weird Al" Yankovic
[1983] "Weird Al" Yankovic
[1984] In 3-D
THE CURRENT BREAKDOWN
VERY GOOD - 11
Porcupine Tree
[1992] On the Sunday of Life
[1993] Up the Downstair
Primus
[1990] Frizzle Fry
[1991] Sailing the Seas of Cheese
Talking Heads
[1977] Talking Heads: 77
[1978] More Songs About Buildings and Food
[1979] Fear of Music
[1980] Remain in Light
[1983] Speaking in Tongues
[1985] Little Creatures
They Might Be Giants
[1986] They Might Be Giants
Ween
[1990] GodWeenSatan: The Oneness
[1991] The Pod
[1992] Pure Guava
[1994] Chocolate and Cheese
"Weird Al" Yankovic
[1983] "Weird Al" Yankovic
[1984] In 3-D
THE CURRENT BREAKDOWN
VERY GOOD - 11
GOOD - 16
JUST OK - 11
KINDA BAD - 4
SUCKS - 2
TOTAL ALBUMS REVIEWED - 44
SUCKS - 2
TOTAL ALBUMS REVIEWED - 44
