01-28-17 - Peacefully being a drain on society, comfortably unaware of the economy crumbling as a result of her apathy and indifference.
Ramona has made great strides in the last week! She has learned to poop in such a way that it had, on one occasion, leaked out of her diaper and onto our once wonderful, once pristine bed. Now we have to burn the mattress. This is the seedy underbelly of parental life that people don't want to tell you about.
But enough harrowing tales of hardship and Desecration via Defecation™, son! We made it through another week of pretty much the same stuff as last week. We have learned that any sudden fits of crying or fussiness means "I'm hungry! Wah!" because she doesn't seem to mind sitting around in a shitty diaper too much (when she actually does indeed shit in it), and we've tried burping her in about a dozen different positions and that doesn't seem to work very well either. So she eats a lot these days, and then sleeps a lot after she eats a lot. Just like her old man.
01-30-17 - The torture of the looming hanger of toys.
The dreaded Tummy Time, the bane of all very small children, doesn't last very long at this stage. There is some head-lifting and clear physical exertion for a couple minutes, but after a few laborious grunts Ramona will fall on one of her hands and start sucking on it as if it were a bottle of liquor after a long hard day in the salt mines.
02-01-17 - Eagerly leaning forward to tell us something, like a grizzled 85-year-old at the VFW hall with a war story.
Sometimes we see facial expressions that we both misinterpret as deliberate attempts to convey emotion, but usually it means yet another poop is on its way out to greet us. Typically, Ramona spends some of her wide-awake time just kind of looking around and flailing about in a comical manner. There are rare moments where she'll be simultaneously wide-awake and perfectly calm. They don't last long, but, shucks, it's so goddamn cute. We've tried taking photos during these moments but it just doesn't do it justice.
02-02-17 - I tried to tell her all about my day at work and she just falls asleep while I talked. Just like everybody else.
We noticed the other day that she's got some Marilyn Monroe thing going on with that mark just above the corner of her mouth on the left side of her face. Scratches have come and gone since birth, but this has remained since the very beginning. Birth mark? My parents say it looks like a scratch to them, but what do they know? Parents are stupid. It's possible that it might fade eventually, she also has a reddish blotch on her left eyelid that hasn't gone away.
Erika's parents noticed today that Ramona might have dimples. She would inherit this facial deformity from me, but I'm absolutely adorable so this will only help her in the long run.
THIS WEEK IN CURRENT EVENTS
-Trump said a dumb thing, and then his dumb press secretary said dumb things too that common ol' dumb people like me can debunk in three seconds.
-Beyoncé is pregnant with twins now because she was pissed that Solange stole her thunder by having a better album than her in 2016.-Kellyanne Conway said that the Bowling Green Massacre, a thing that never happened, justifies the current travel and immigration ban, a dumb thing that actually is happening now.
THIS WEEK IN MOVIES
-I don't know. Moneyball? I don't watch movies.
THIS WEEK IN SPORTS
-Super Bowl LI happens tomorrow, which is something that didn't happen "this week" but worth mentioning nonetheless because I'm going to completely forget about it forever tomorrow three hours before kickoff.
THIS WEEK IN MUSIC THAT DAD LISTENED TO
Dad (that's me) listened to a lot of really dumb heavy metal bands like Helloween, Fear Factory, Fates Warning, and Machine Head. He's listening to Dexter Gordon right now while writing this, proving that he still has some semblance of taste at least.
RAMONA QUOTE-OF-THE-WEEK
"Buhhhhh. Waah! <growling noises>"
