Quiz Qorner! How Much Are You Worth to Society?

  

If you're reading this, this means you accidentally clicked the wrong link instead of Liking a "JUSTIN BIEBER HAS A VAGINA FULL OF BEES" link on Facebook. Nevertheless, you're here now so why not take a couple of minutes out of your busy schedule to take a self-assessment quiz? Today's topic: How Much Are You Worth to Society? Go through and give one answer for each question that best describes your opinion of yourself. At the end, tally up your points, check your results, and then wait for depression to slowly sink in. Let's get the ball rolling, shall we?

When I learn that my local school district is organizing a bake sale in order to raise funds, my first reaction is to...
...volunteer to help. (+6 pts)
...contribute money. (+3 pts)
...organize a rival bake sale. (-1 pt)
...snort a third line of coke before lunchtime. (-5 pts)

If any of my friends were asked about the kind of person I am, they would probably say that...
...I am kind-hearted and well-respected. (+4 pts)
...I can be quite full of myself, but I mean well. (+1 pts)
...I get visibly angry about traffic lights. (+0 pts)
...I collect dead animals and Precious Moments figurines. (-2 pts)

  In my spare time I enjoy...
...volunteering at a soup kitchen. (+5 pts)
...staring at my knuckles. (+0 pts)
...throwing bricks at people in wheelchairs. (-8 pts)
...writing blogs and making awkward split-screen videos. (-19 pts)

  The celebrity I admire the most is...
...Bono. (+3 pts)
...Rachel Maddow. (+1 pt)
...Charlie Sheen. (+14 pts)
...the dude who played Fred Savage's geeky-ass friend on The Wonder Years. (-3 pts)

  I'd like to think that my biggest talent is...
...dry-heaving on command. (+3 pts)
...catching ALL the Pokemon. (+2 pts)
...singing along to music from white supremacist Myspace band pages. (-4 pts)
...finishes sentences correctly. (-7 pts)

  If my best friend started dating a person I had a crush on, I'd handle the situation by...
...throwing bricks at people in wheelchairs. (-9 pts)
...making roughly 900 depressing Facebook statuses every 35 nanoseconds. (-4 pts)
...watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. (-6 pts)
...carving a wooden stake out of one of my bedposts where I wrote "I LOVE <INSERT NAME OF CRUSH>" in blood. (+1 pt)

  The first thing I said when I woke up this morning was most likely...
..."I cannot wait to see how this day unfolds into a wonderful assortment of making choices, overcoming obstacles, and bettering myself as an individual in 21st century America!" (+12 pts)
..."I cannot wait until I catch up on all those episodes of Pawn Stars I DVRed." (-1 pt)
..."Fuck, I guess all that making out with Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman was just a dream." (+9 pt)
..."Which race of people should I try to exterminate today?" (-18 pts)

  I see a person on the side of the road struggling to fix a flat tire. I...
...honk four times and throw an empty Arby's soft drink cup out the window at him. (-2 pts)
...pull over to the side of the road, get out of the car, and throw an empty Arby's cup at him. (-3 pts)
...drive by while making an obscene hand gesture of a very sexual nature. (-3 pts)
...ignore him because I'm too busy watching SpongeBob Squarepants on the laptop I placed in the passenger's seat. (-7 pts)

 My most prized possession is...
...my collection of Pope skulls I stole from the Pope Graveyard. (+6 pts)
...my collection of anime. (-97 pts)
...my photo album full of pictures of me punching children in the face. (-8 pts)
...a fart in a jar I won in an eBay auction for $6.21 (+2 pts)

  My favorite band...
...gives money to charities. (+4 pts)
...has a name that rhymes with "Charles Barkley". (-3 pts)
...skins puppies alive on stage during concerts. (-8 pts)
...writes a lot of songs about God. (-12 pts)

  My dream job involves...
...hitting things with a wrench. (-1 pt)
...going to restaurants in order to eat a lot and get fat and then have a hit show on the Travel Channel about eating a lot and getting fat. (+4 pts)
...destroying my nemesis, the Moon, because it's inhabited by the nefarious Moon People who feed me thoughts that even my tinfoil window shades can't block. (+10 pts)
...writing a lot of songs about God. (-43 pts)

  My most productive days are when...
...I get to hang out on my reclining lounge chair which triples as a refrigerator and a toilet. (+5 pts)
...I cure yet another form of cancer. Yawn. (+20 pts)
...I wake up before 7:30pm. (+0 pts)
...I stare at my knuckles while singing along to racist Myspace music in order to drown out those goddamn Moon People who won't FUCKING SHUT UP UNTIL I START PUNCHING CHILDREN. WHY ME, YOU MOON BASTARDS?? (+1 pt)

  In 10 years I hope to have...
...amassed an even bigger collection of Pope skulls after the Zombie Pope Vatican overthrow of 2017. (+76 pts)
...earned enough money to buy a DeLorean with a built-in flux capacitor. (+9 pts)
...been to every country ending in "-ulgaria". (+3 pts)
...all my limbs. (+2 pts)


  IF YOU SCORED... 


100 points or more: Congratulations, you are an extremely valuable member of society but you are also very boring and chances are you are the kind of person who said to yourself "You don't spell 'Corner' with a Q!" at the beginning of this quiz.


Between 25 points and 100 points: You will get a degree from a good university but you will probably not make as much money as you want to unless someone invents a car that runs on Pope skulls.


Between -200 points and 25 points: You should probably stop being violent toward children and the handicapped and start focusing that violence toward the homeless and people with huge eyeglasses.


-200 points or less: Chances are good that you've seriously picked the anime option, and as a result we can't be friends anymore.