If you're a fan of my blog, or at least as much of a fan as one could possibly be of my blog (someone who clicks to look at the dumb pictures and moves on), then you're probably well aware that I don't like talking about myself. I try to avoid it as much as possible because even I bore myself just thinking about myself, and when I actually do write about myself (see the "Life After College" or "The Internet Says I'm Autistic" entries) I usually overkill it with so much hyperbole and stupid-ass nonsense that I may as well be talking about Benjamin Franklin or my mail carrier.
But the real reason I don't talk about myself is because it makes me uncomfortable. I always feel that if you put me in a group I'll self-consciously assume that I'm the least exciting person in the room, as untrue as that may be in reality. So then I end up thinking "Who in here really cares about what I'm thinking anyway?" My mom is the only person I can think of who always cares, but that's only because she's trying to win a bet. Nevertheless, I'm going to take this rare opportunity to ramble incoherently about the slurry of thoughts on my mind these days. I'll try not throw in too many fuckig misspelled profanities along the way. I'll also throw in an action shot of me being unemployed for good measure.
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See, this picture epitomizes "uemployment". Actually, it looks more like I'm posing for the "Children of Progeria 2012" calendar. It's weird looking at a picture of myself like this because I went through some old photo albums from around 10-15 years ago and I used to be chubby as hell. In fact, I bet if a lot of people from back in high school saw me today they wouldn't recognize me right away. I'm completely okay with that, since I was a twerp before college. My entire wardrobe back then consisted of $4 Simpsons shirts from Kohl's and khaki shorts all day, every day, even in the winter. I often wish I could go back in time and punch myself in the face for being so socially retarded.
I'd like to think that the social retardation stopped in college, but I probably just got better at keeping it in check. I spent way too much time in college, mostly because I was insecure about my ability to flourish in the real world and get one of those...uh...whatever those things are called...."jobs". In fact, I'm only four weeks out of college and I think I already miss class again. School, homework, and studying all fit nicely into my postage stamp-sized comfort zone, and for the first time in literally 20 years I don't have anymore school to look forward to after the summer is over. Of course those of you who really know me know that I spend a majority of a typical day at school bitching endlessly about it, so maybe I don't know what I really want.
In a way I'm glad that I stayed at school long enough so that, gradually, almost all of my closest friends ended up graduating and moving on before I did (some that even started college after me). I think it might be making this uneasy transition I'm going through a little bit easier than it could have been. I'm also glad that I met some really cool people in the Physics department that helped me get through the last two semesters. As cool as having a degree in astrophysics is, I still can't shake this feeling I have about how incredibly dull physics is and how much the past year might have been a mistake. The people I met during this brief detour in my college education have made it way more than worth it, though, and if any of you are actually reading this I'd like to give a specific shout-out to you guys. Mike, Matt, Eric, Jimmy, Jayne, and Justin, thanks for helping me keep sane during the year. Physics kind of sucks! Whoops!
My right eye has been twitching for about six weeks now, off and on. I had a high school French teacher whose eye constantly twitched and we made fun of her behind her back all the time. Karma's biting me in the ass, I guess. All these major life transitions involving the end of college, the searching for jobs, and planning for Chicago are stressing me the fuck out. My right eye is pissed. I also need to start making money so I can start paying back the $675,000 I owe in loans, which I don't really think I need to start worrying about right now. This doesn't change the fact that I've been licking the walls for nourishment in order to save money.
So, I guess the point of all this writing is to get some stuff off my chest. Usually I'm able to poke fun at everything, especially myself, but this whole situation I'm in right now is bringing me down a little bit to the point where I'm actually writing about what's on my mind. I say "situation" like it actually is a situation, but it really isn't. I'm making it out to be much more of a problem than it actually is. Boredom and lack of ambition aren't helping matters much, either.
Reading through all this was awkward and it's not really my style. Next time I promise I'll write some goofy shit that can almost be considered funny as per usual. At least none of you are reading this.
If anybody IS actually reading this then just post "I LIKE YAMS" on my wall (LIKE A SECRET CODE). I'll Like the post, I promise.
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